The Things We Leave Unsaid
Posted on Sun Mar 30th, 2025 @ 10:40pm by Lieutenant Commander Harrison Knox & Captain Rylan Gray
1,305 words; about a 7 minute read
Mission:
A Silence of Friends
Location: Federation Bunk
Timeline: MD003 - 0100
Harrison had been lying in his bunk staring up at absolutely nothing but the cold hard duranium. It made up the hull of Federation starships, the shell of facilities, was used for bulkheads and for nearly ever piece of uncomfortable furniture that existed including but certainly not limited to the bunk that Lieutenant Commander Knox was supposed to be sleeping on. Sleep, however, eluded him and all he could do was be haunted by his decisions, the actions that brought him here for additional training. He thought about Quasinon III and he thought about Rylan because counting sheep was not working and he had gotten to the point where he was not imagining sheep leaping over a fence, but taking a phaser and playing big bad wolf. Mmm shepherd's pie, thought Harrison Knox. He missed the luxuries of life. If only this additional training had been back at Starfleet Academy on Earth. He could be hitting the San Francisco Bay area restaurants and resting peacefully at night in an apartment or hell, even an Academy dormitory. Nope, could not be that fortunate at all. He was sleeping on a glorified slab of stone. At least that was what his bunk felt like.
He let out a frustrated sigh, lying on his back and holding up a Federation Data PaDD. Knox was reading, studying, but he couldn't retain any more information. It was late, but not terribly so. We'll past supper time and his stomach wasn't full but it was not gurgling at him either with rumbles. The rations may not have tasted the greatest but they were filling enough. Knox placed the PaDD down, reaching as he turned on his side briefly to grab a a larger Federation tablet that he held horizontally as he laid back down.
Contemplating if he should or not, he more or less knew Rylan would be awake on the Thunderbird. Ultimately, he decided gamble that Captain Gray would be receptive to talking. Things were not as bad between the two as they had been freshly back from Quasinon III, but they were far from the deep friendship they had spent years carving and forging. He waited as he looked at the black screen with the Federation logo, hoping it would disappear and be replaced with Rylan's face. He knew that given the relatively short duration of travel that he wasn't far from Thunderbird's last location. A subspace transmission should carry.
He'd been preparing his report to Starfleet while working his way through a pot of tea. As Rylan drank the last of the tea in his cup, he accepted the incoming communication; the Starfleet logo disappeared to be replaced by that of his former First Officer. "Commander," he said quietly. Behind that one word was a wealth of conflicting emotions it had taken him days to process and while he thought he had put the issue to rest, seeing Knox brought it all rushing back and not in a good way.
"Ah," Knox replied with a bit of a defeated sigh to follow. Well, he did undermine the man's trust and position when taking the information. "Captain. I see we're at rank again. I couldn't sleep." Knox was direct in that regard. "This...shouldn't have happened. Not to us. You have had my back for years and I had yours."
"No it shouldn't have and yes, you did. That's why this has been so difficult for me personally," Rylan said quietly. As it ever did when his emotions ran deep, the upper class British accent of his youth became just a bit more evident. "First mission out of the space frame and it all fell apart."
"I know," Knox replied. "Not all first missions go well, but not all Captain's get settled with my mucking things up for them. I'm sorry about that, and more so I am sorry that I took someone else's perspective and information over you. Regardless of who the source was. Even if it had been from the President of the damn Federation, I shouldn't have accepted it without bringing it to you at least. I shouldn't have assumed you were 'read into' what she fed me."
"It sounds like you've learned a lesson from this," Rylan said. "That's a good start. D'Sai is a good First Officer and, were she not committed to preparations for her first command, she'd be an excellent fit for the position. As it is, she'll be moving on once we get back to the starbase and I'll be without someone for the position again."
"I'm doing this training more than just for my own personal gain" replied Knox. "I am doing this to return to that position, to do it well. If you'll have me." He wanted back on Thunderbird after this training.
"I assumed as much," Rylan said. He fell silent and then the silence lengthened as he weighed his options. It wasn't just Starfleet to consider, or even Knox's career which would take a hit from failing at the position, it was himself as well. What it mean were it to happen again. "I am not as confident this would work as I was," he said at last. "And if you were to return, it would have to be on a trial basis. If you can do the job, it's yours. If you can't, well, you'll have to leave the ship."
"Cap, I your back. Rylan, after how many years we've served together. You were there for me when Maddy died, always been there for me. I'm not about to return just to let you down again," Knox said almost woundedly. "I will do the job. I don't have the option not to. I can't afford that."
"We'll see," Rylan said. "How long before you're finished and ready to return?"
Knox mulled that question over. "14 days, I think. Can't say I've been excellent at everything they've thrown at me, but I'm doing alright. It's a lot less cushy than an Academy classroom."
"Where are you," Rylan asked. "I know they didn't send you all the way back to Earth. It was my understanding that they had some sort of satellite campus set up."
Knox chuckled. "Oh it is definitely not Earth. I haven't the faintest idea where the hell I am. Half the time I'm not sure if I'm actually on a planet or a holodeck, or if I'm sleeping on a ship. My best guess is some sort of facility on a moon."
"Ah," Rylan said with a slight nod, "the low distraction method of training. Although the brochures probably use words like minimalist or focused."
"I'm plenty distracted," stated Knox. "Minimalist yes, focused...not sure. Paranoid maybe. They certainly don't shy away from zero three hundred alarms."
"Improves response time and the ability to think under pressure," Rylan said and then, with a slight quirk of the lips added, "and certainly messes with one's ability to get a good night's rest."
Knox scoffed "That's an understatement, but I'm doing it. I feel it," he said calmly. "I'm learning stuff about myself that I didn't realize. Maybe because I ran from things for so long or just was blinded. Either way, I won't keep you up. Captain is a busy man."
"Perk of the job," Rylan said dryly, "you get the best bed on the ship and the least time to spend in it. Good night and good luck with the rest of your training."
"Sleep well, Ry-" Knox paused and conceded where he and Rylan were. "Captain" he corrected.
The connection ended, replaced by the Starfleet logo, and Rylan sat there for a long moment. Finally, he sighed as he grumbled, "I hate the name 'Ry'."
Captain Rylan Gray
Commanding Officer
USS Thunderbird
Lieutenant Commander Harrison Knox
Former First Officer
USS Thunderbird
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